Every season there is a trend that I am initially so confused by that I think, “I'm inching closer and closer to style irrelevancy and can no longer appreciate fashion forwardness”. This season, the latest fad that has me questioning my sartorial sensibilities is cropped, fringe jeans. I already have a fairly complex relationship with pants, and I feel like once I have found something that works for me, I just sort of burrow into comfort with it like some dwarf mongoose shacking up in a hole with their termite food source (please forgive my National Geographic-inspired metaphors). Anyhows, with that being said, there has been a strong campaign underway the past few years, a revolution if you will, to overthrow skinnies on no greater premise than the fact that it has enjoyed a longer-than-usual tenure as “denim of choice”. I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to join the coup or if I will remain part of the silent majority that still thinks we can do some honest-to-goodness bipartisan work here and figure out how to maintain our personal jean-ius preferences while allowing those with opposing views to, well, wear whatever the hell their natty hearts desire (we are in an election year after all, it’s time to talk about compromise and working together).
So, let me just make my case on why I can’t decide which side of party lines I fall when it comes to this new, stringier variety of jean. For one, it immediately calls to mind some less-than-fashionable visuals. Ok, so are we all TRYING to look like we Hulked-out and busted straight through the seams of our pants with a rapid increase in the size of our calves and then subsequently shrunk back down pre-Hulk size? Or is it that Zombie-chic (a la Walking Dead) is gaining momentum with the trendy set? Did someone in fashion authority declare that our ankles would benefit with lamp-shade-inspired adornment? Furthermore, shoes to pair with the new hot pants? Just…like…how?
Listen, I’m no square (unless the fact that I’m using the term square inherently makes me a square). But, I just can’t say that this is resonating with me. Maybe not this season. Maybe in a few seasons once I see how someone like myself, who believes I have legs that are proportionally akin to hobbits, can possibly make this look attractive (I also could have been the 5th Beatle or invented slap bracelets, stranger things HAVE happened). Another option is that I could look into using my timeshare that I purchased for the Hot Tub time machine and transport myself back to a younger, more adventurous version of myself that didn’t have as many reservations in spending my hard-earned dollars on blindly following styles. To think I wasted my youth on gaucho pants from Mystique Boutique on Broadway in Soho. Oh, wait…those are back in style, too. I give up, I’m going to go back to my grown person existence and leave trends to the cool kids.